Ahh the Terrible Twos.
I hear they are better than when you get to the Threenager stage, but as I haven’t yet been there, I don’t believe you.
We are really lucky that Bubba is usually polite, well behaved and only kinda-gross. Where does all the spit/drool come from? Its like a waterfall! After all, he’s two!
Often friends invite us over and my first response is always
“Are you sure you want us all at your house? I mean, he’s a lot to handle sometimes.”
and the response is usually…
“What do you mean? He’s so sweet and cute. Plus, he’s two! Of course we want you all here.”
Okay- you asked for it. (I mean, I wasn’t going to leave him home, we’d just go or do something not at your beautiful abode, full of shiny things he could break.)
9 out of 10 times, he’s exactly as they expected: polite, sweet, well-behaved, uses manners (from where? No clue) but that tenth time… wooo doggy. It’s a doozy.
Join me, on a journey to long ago. You know, to yesterday.
There they stand, two strong and stubborn individuals, locked in a battle of wits and vocal prowess.
“I WANNA WATCH THOMAS TRACKS!”
-Okay, *puts on Thomas the Tank*
“NOOOO, THOMAS TRAAAAACKS”
-Okay… *Changes to Thomas the Tank, Trouble on the Tracks- specifically*
*Stomping feet and foaming at the mouth* “THOMAS TRAAAAACK ON IPAAAAD”
-Ahh, a direction- “Sure Bud, from the iPad, I can find it. Calm down.”
Now- I caution you. They say not to tell an emotional woman to ‘calm down.’ They must not have children. If you truly have a wish to throw a wrench into your morning, and make the neighbors wonder what exactly is going on, go ahead, tell your agitated toddler to “calm down.” See how that goes for you. I’ll wait.
“NOT IPAD! ON TV!” Stomp, almost-jump (still no ups), angry bounce, angry bounce, drool.
-Mommy Mode: In an eerily calm voice. “Woah, Buddy. You need to stop. I will not be turning anything on until that noise stops.” Waits.
MORE LOUD NOISES (How is the baby still sleeping?)
-“You’re going to have to take a time-out to collect yourself if you can’t calm down and stop yelling.”
EXCESSIVELY LOUD NOISES that any other day you’re be impressed by but at this moment… nope.
RED FACED, SLIMY SHIRT, INCREDIBLY LOUD NOISES
-*Sigh* “Okay, let’s go to the time-out spot. You need to calm down before we watch anything.”
Now, I’m going to go ahead and give myself the ‘ole-pat-on-the-back here. Our time out spot exists in every house. Every. House. We’ve used it in several when times got tough. It’s the space in front of the door. Any door. We usually choose the front door because most times everyone in attendance is already inside (and they have a door mat/carpet). You could use the garage door, basement door, front door or sliding glass door. As long as it’s safe, inside, away from stuff and away from people. Ta Da, Time Out!
-“When you’re calm, we can talk again.” Walk away, slowly, but don’t make eye contact. Be Strong. It’s like dealing with a bear, I’d imagine. A very small, very loud, bear.
About 2 minutes pass. The crying is down to a dull whimper and you can hear the snot. Gross
-“Ready for a hug?”
…yeah. *Comes in for a hug and a not-so-subtle wipe of his slime- that was planned, I know it.*
-“Now, tell me what it is you wanted to watch.”
“Ryan’s toy review. Thomas tracks. Pwease Mama.”
-*Heart melts into a puddly mess* “Sure bud.”
…and we move on with the day.
But Beware… He won’t forget. They never forget.
About an hour later, talking to his Aunt on the computer Bubba goes.
“I sad. Time Out. Thomas Tracks on TV. Mommy say no watch, I cry.”
Yup- that about sums it up. *Salute*
Here’s to the next one.