Monday, a week ago, was a big day.
But nothing happened, nothing was different, nothing was new.
We went about our usual Monday routine morning, noon and night and went to bed without incident.
Monday came, and Monday went.
Well, then how was it a big day?
Monday was the day I was to return to work from Maternity Leave.
Did you catch that? I was supposed to return to work on Monday.
Leave my babies in someone else’s capable hands (mind you, we have two AWESOME daycare providers for the kiddos, whom we love and they loved our kids) and return to teaching about 50 sweet kinder kiddos.
But on Monday, I was at home. My home.
I’m not returning to teaching this year.
That single statement: I’m not returning to teaching this year. Gives me many feelings, you could say “all the feels” as today’s verbiage dictates.
I feel joy and fear, guilt and happiness, trepidation and relief.
Teaching was my identity for so many years.
I moved into my first house, as a teacher.
Met my husband and got married, as a teacher.
Had our two children, as a teacher.
But teaching is not the same. Teaching 8+ years ago is not like teaching today. Sadly, with many of our littles we are testing them instead of teaching them. Remember creative playtime in Kindergarten? Not anymore, they’ve got to know their letters, numbers, counting and more before they hit first grade. We have a week dedicated to STEAM projects, just a week, shouldn’t we be doing them more often? It isn’t the teacher’s fault, or the school’s fault, it’s a product of the times and the legislation of those who are far removed from the rigors of a full-time classroom. I have serious guilt about not being able to meet and work with my would-be-kinders but I know they are in capable and competent hands. They will do wonderful things with or without me. Teaching is a wonderful profession, a lifestyle really, and I will forever have a teacher’s heart, ask Bubba- homeboy is already working on letters & numbers through play and music- I can’t help it, but it was time that our family take first priority.
If you had asked me last year if I wanted to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom I would have told you that I would go stir-crazy at home all day. This would have been a bit of a fib. Yes, I worry about missing out on the daily interaction with adults but what mother, if given the choice in a perfect world, wouldn’t want to be present for each milestone with her child or children. I missed some of them with Bubba, I told myself it would be okay, that it didn’t bother me, and that “I’d see him roll (insert skill here)” when I was home with him so it was no big deal. Turns out, deep down if I really looked into it, I was jealous of those who had the opportunity to be present for all of their children’s milestones. So far, I’ve been present for each of Little Bear’s achievements, her smiles, her rolls, her giggles. I can share them with Hubs through video, though I know it isn’t the same for him. Me being home during the day has made for a very different dynamic and several other changes in our home. If you ask me now if I want to be, or if I enjoy being a SAHM my answer is still no. I’m not a SAHM, I’m a WAHM.
Not only do I nurture, teach and care for our two cherubs, I also work at home. I have been given an awesome opportunity to work from home doing something I love while staying home with our littles. Who knew I’d find a new passion that affords me the opportunity to develop new skills, share my enthusiasm of my new gifts and be present with my babies? Not me, but I’m loving it. If you had asked me to do this a year ago, I would have said no way.
My how things change, in a year.