Mom-Shaming

If you’ve been anywhere on social media, been to a movie or watched a TV show you’ve probably come across some form of “shaming” being discussed, and it’s gut-wrenching.
Today, I want to talk to you about Mom-Shaming (I say mom-shaming because I’m a mom… not that dads don’t get shamed too, but we’ll get to you gentlemen in another post.)

Recently we heard of an unimaginable tragedy locally and it really rocked me. As a quick recap, two young toddlers got out of their house, into their backyard pool and drowned. Now I don’t know the details of who, how or why but that’s not what I want to chat about today. I want to talk about the discussion in online forums, comments on news pages and the general attitude of ‘blame’ that exists when something terrible happens.

People. Blamed. The. Mother. Now is she responsible for caring for them and knowing their whereabouts? Yes. Is it possible that they left the house without her knowing? Also yes. Clearly. People said terrible things about how she must have been distracted. That the house must not have been properly secured. That there was clearly negligence. But is there? Was it? Was she?
I have doubt, and I recoil vehemently at the feelings of shame and guilt thrown in her direction.
Don’t you think she has enough that it doesn’t need to be spewed upon her by people, strangers, generally guessing at the situation?

I can tell you that though Bubba is 3 now I would not put it past him to find a way out of our home despite it being secured akin to Fort Knox. He and Little Bear are curious children. Always looking to explore, create and accidentally destroy. Bubba can unlock doors. Bubba can open our heavy sliding glass door. Bubba can entice his sister to follow. Little Bear can disappear up the stairs in an instant. Little Bear can escape the gated family room. Little Bear can be found on the dog’s bed at a moment’s notice. They. Are. Children. Exploring their surroundings, learning new things and generally being curious.

We have specific rules, safeguards and plans put into place in the event that something goes awry, but that is because things do go awry. Accidents do happen. Tragedy can strike, despite our best efforts to evade it.
Does blaming the mother who had her plans, safeguards, and rules broken do anything to rectify a terrible situation? Not at all. 
Does hurling shameful words and hateful comments bring two beautiful lives back or change the course of the past? Of course not.
Does spewing hate, blame and speculation make strangers over the internet feel safer in their lives? It shouldn’t because accidents can happen to anyone.

I can only hope, that no one will feel the unyielding pain, loss, and despair that this mother most certainly feels. I can pray, plan and hope that a terrible tragedy doesn’t strike another family but I am not naive enough to think that it won’t. My hope is that when it does, people…mothers…will think twice before posting an unsupportive, hateful or shaming comment to someone who is already sinking.

Support one another,
M

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