I pride myself on my ability to speak/understand more than one language.
(My specialties are Spanish, American Sign Language, and on the off chance, English.)
I am proud to add another, more recent dialect to my repertoire: Toddlerese
At swim class a few months ago, before Little Bear arrived, Bubba and I would be in the ‘cool’ and Daddy would arrive slightly after class started on his way home from work. There was one day I thought I could just sink under the water and stay forever. It went like this.
Toddlers have a funny way of speaking, its cute. But when you are in the pool with 20 other moms and dads, with adorable babies who are nowhere near the talking stage Bubba has reached, you.hear.everything, and so do they.
Daddy had arrived and Bubba noticed the fish decoration on the wall and he shouted across the pool, about 20 yards, “Daddy! Wookit! A Pish!” Cute, right? Totally.
Daddy nods and gives a thumbs up.
Then, encouraged by the thumbs up to share his observations ,Bubba then shouts out, “Daddy! Wookit. Big C*ck!” and points at his Daddy…
I.Froze. What did he just say?
I look at Daddy, Daddy looks at me. The lady next to us starts giggling.
Then, as he did not get the desired reaction, he shouts it again… louder. Awesome.
It was then that I realized, directly behind Daddy was a very large pool clock. oh boy.
“Clock!” I say, a little too loudly. “Very good buddy, it is a clock!”
We finish the remainder of class without incident and hightail it out of there only to return the next week and hopefully not repeat the same process… People wonder why moms always seem stressed out in public… well, there’s one reason for you.
Unfortunately, Toddlerese is rarely written down and usually appears with many different accents but today, I bring to you, the abridged version of the 2016 Todderese Dictionary: words and phrases.
*Note:* Imagine the little boy from Emperor’s New Groove when you say these- gives the genuine impression.
Gwak- dark “It gwak in here”
I tant bewebe it- I can’t believe it
Sitr- sister “Little Bear my sitr.”
Pans- pants “Mommy, I no have pans”
Cag an bink- Tags and binky. “I no go night night, I need cag and bink.”
I wanna go- I don’t want to go.
I yike it- I don’t like it.
yisen- listen “Mommy, Yisen a me!”
Uh-gedy- unstead “Mommy, I yisen uh-gedy” Mommy I want to listen to Unsteady”
Meminate- lemonade “I has meminate in my cup.”
Kelohopter- helicopter “I see kelohopter.”
Firegne- fire engine “Wook, Mommy! Firegne”
(yup, read that one phonetically.. and I’m not going to write his translation of “Percy” NSFW)
Way down a fwoor- Lay down on the floor
My Daddy wook- My Daddy is at work.
Yeyow- yellow “Da bus, yeyow”
Wipe- white “Wook! Big wipe twuck”
Bwak- black “Wook! Big bwak twuck!”
Cwaky- cranky “I no cwaky.”
wookit- Look at it
Pwessint moon- Crescent Moon “Daddy, wookit, a pwessint moon”
Gabage twuck guys- garbage men
Apad- my iPad
Fowoah me- Follow me “Mommy, fowoah me!”
Ola bar- Granola bar
Cwyin- crying “Wookit Mommy, I top cwyin”
Tommy balls….. (oh dear) Thomas the Tank YouTube toy videos
Thomas a tank sodor twak deskinaons- Thomas the tank engine making tracks to great destinations (Thanks TV- that one took us a long time to figure out.)
I coop it – I’ll scoop it.
Good cach- Good throw
Good dob- Good job.
Peebr Toat- Peanut Butter Toast
It gettin’ me- Something is on me.
Coo me- excuse me
menk you- Thank You
I coozed?- Can I be excused?
I ear ’em- I hear them/it.
I regularly translate Toddlerese for those who have a hard time with the language barrier.
I’m available for weddings and parties as well.
Do you have any fun Toddlerese stories? I’d love to read about them!