On Saturday I had to run a few quick errands. By few, I mean 3. Only 3. This doesn’t seem like a bad or hard endeavor, right? Add toddler. To make it easier, we did the divide & conquer. Daddy stayed home so Little Bear could nap, and Bubba went with Mommy. Two hands, one kid- easy peasy right? Sure.
1st stop: Oma & Daddo’s to pick up the life-vest for possible swim fun later.
“I brush teeth Mommy? I go in cool? Where Oma? Where Daddo? I brush teeth?”
Brush your teeth? Sure. No, no pool right now. Maybe later. They’re visiting elsewhere. Okay time for the car again, go go go!
Whew. In and out. Check.
2nd Stop: Optometrist. I needed contacts, blind as a bat over here. Hi.
I happen to really enjoy our optometrist. The one doctor I don’t worry about going to see. So, in we go. “Eye drdr?” Says Bubba. “I no want go eye drdr.” Don’t worry kiddo, your eyes are just fine. We get the contacts and get ready to leave. As we turn to go, Bubba leans over my shoulder, looks at the ladies behind the desk and says “Thank you! Bye” and blows them each a kiss. Smooth moves, dude. Commence oohing and “He’s so cute.” Yep, and he knows it!
3rd Stop: Drug Store. I had to grab just a few quick things. Odds and ends really. And I was having a bit of a tummy issue so I figured I’d grab something for that as well. Blasted Chinese Food… Quickly grabbed the not-polite-for-present-company-discussion-medicine and moved on. Bubba then proceeded to grab the box and say “I hold it Mommy.” Sure Bud. It’s closed, I’m here, all good.
Not. All. Good.
This is when Bubba discovered that if he shook the box it made a noise much like a rattle. Oh, how very fun, in public. He then proceeded to shake the box with
vigor exclaiming “Wook Mommy! I pway! I pway noise!” Yes, son. I can hear you. As can every other patron in this store. At this point I think it makes sense to let you know that I’m about as pale as snow. Yes, even in the summer. Therefore, when I’m embarrassed, I’m as pink as a piece of double-bubble gum. By now, we’ve made it to gum-status. To avoid direct eye contact with other patrons, I duck down the first aisle. Oh great. The junk aisle. You know, the stuff that’s probably going to shatter on first drop out of the booster seat, but of course it’s got popular kid characters all over it? Yep. That’s where we are. “Dooooory!” Bubba says and points to a travel cup. He’s never seen Dory. How in the world does he know who Dory is? Never mind that, this could be your distraction. “You want the Dory cup, Buddy? Sure, you can have the Dory cup!” *replaces shaker-box with Dory cup* Sweet, crisis averted.
I had apparently played my hand too quickly as we still had at least 8 aisles to go before we made it to the registers. I think I’ve mentioned before that Bubba is pretty smart most days. This was one of those days. As we’re making our way to the front he spots the drink case. “Mommy, I need dwink for Dory cup. It empty. Nothin in dere.” Of course you do.
Sure thing. Would you like pink or yellow lemonade?
“Pink wemondade. And Yewow wemondade. For Mommy.” Clever, clever child.
Then we finally made it to the registers. With two people ahead of us. Okay, we can wait.
Bubba proceeds to mosey up to the front and place his Dory cup on the register in front of the two ladies waiting in line.
Sorry! Sorry! Grabs cup and kiddo. Whispers to Bubba. Buddy it’s not our turn we have to wait.
“Okay, Mommy. I wait… Wookit! Candy! I eat it. I put it in mouth.” As he notices the giant suckers near the register. Divert! Divert!
Hey- look! There’s goldfish AND cheezits. Which would you like?
“Mommy, I get dis red candy. I eat it.”
Nah, not today. It’s a really big candy. I don’t think it’ll fit in your mouth. Read: You’re definitely going to a)choke on it or b)It’ll end up stuck to something in the car.
How about some goldfish? Or Cheezits?
Ladies in front of us finally finish. Our turn. I place our items and Bubba’s new cup on the counter. As well as grabbing the finally-decided-upon-goldfish.
As the cashier is ringing up our items…at the speed of molasses in winter, I might add… Bubba grabs a candy bar. Thanks impulse placement.
“I get dis candy Mommy?” It’s an almond joy.
You don’t like that kind. Mommy doesn’t even like that kind.
“Oh, okay. It Daddy candy. I put back.” Whew.
“Mommy! Wook! It my candy. I yike dis candy! It have blue!” M&Ms. Of course it’s M&Ms.
“I get dis.” He says to the cashier as he’s placing the M&M bag on the counter. “Here you go!”
At this point there has been a gentleman behind us watching the entire encounter.
“That was pretty slick. I like how he did that.”
-Yeah, how exactly do I argue with that?
“I don’t know. It was kind of like, ‘this is how it’s going to be and if you don’t like it…’”
-You can take it up with the management… In my case, he’s the management.
“Right! Well, good luck with that one.” To Bubba. “Hey man, enjoy your candy!”
Bubba: “Tank you!” *thumbs up*
We took our purchases and went to the car. I could hear the gentleman and cashier chuckling.
What a trip.
This kid keeps me on my toes, and has a Dory cup, goldfish and M&Ms to prove it.
Next time. I’m taking the one who can’t talk yet.